The Outward Facing Life
Over the past few months, and now again with this Super Full Moon we have just experienced overnight, I have had so many thoughts about the role that forgiveness plays and how it is that people are able to live a ‘normal’ life.
On one hand, we have the individuals forgiving those that may have contributed to hurt or pain in their lives and then there are those – the contributor, that through evolving, were just doing the best that they could at that time. And I get it….. I truly do.
A few years ago, I decided I would publish a web page and everything all about my life experiences and what I had learnt thus far in my 40+ years. I made public the webpage, but I was not prepared for the push back from my family – you see, I had written my beliefs about how we get to where we are today – that each of us is a book that, at birth, has blank pages and it is the significant people in our lives that write the pages. I was speaking from a place where I was looking at what I had done in that regard with my own children. They were born as blank pages and it was Me who had helped write what was etched on those pages and that was to shape their future selves – I don’t think we think about that in the moment or thoroughly about any of our decisions. But it wasn’t only me, it was us as parents, it was my parents and my family, it was later to be the school teachers and the friends and the communities that they were to frequent. In my case, I was a book with blank pages and I have memories of all of the writings on those pages. Some of those are not too pretty, some tender of the heart and some are very sad – my earliest years were not particularly fun, nor were they something that was portrayed out for the world to see. So for a very long time now, I have practiced forgiveness, gratitude, love, compassion and kindness. We are all just doing the very best that we can with what we know how, so it was with some surprise that my attempt to build a business and publish a website was met with quite abit of anger and disappointment – in me.
You see, there are two sides to every coin. On this one side, it was about me being able to not go into full detail, but acknowledge that the significant relationships in my life had contributed to my lessons and who I am today. The other side of the coin is that by disclosure, we are perpetuating the wheel of emotions for those whom may be the authors of those pages – that they, through having to hear, see, read, how their actions and their way of Being has caused us pain in any way; will again or continually have to feel their guilt for, even though they have shown remorse and are vastly different to their younger selves.
And in this world of the www, social media and today’s modern marketing, where we are encouraged or taught to tell our story, I wonder if there is any regard for those that are affected? I see one very successful peer, who consistently speaks of her earlier childhood and a mother who could not or did not nurture or provide a life expected ie alcohol, drugs, low socio economic, all the while appearing to consistently point out that, as parents, hers had failed. It does not have to be said in so many words, but the constant and consistent replay of how much of a failure these people were, and how that propelled the person into how they live today, would feel some sort of emotion or feeling each time hearing it – whether that be acknowledged guilt, or pride for her success.
To say that we can’t have a voice is not accurate. I know that feeling the freedom of speaking your experiences can be cathartic however I do believe that to be the best version of ourselves, we need to be mindful that others may not have done the work that we ourselves have. So whilst we feel that it is our God given right to speak out about our mum did this, or our dad did that….they may still be trying to work through the guilt and pain of their actions and making sense of why and forgiving those whom may have written their pages.
Life is not just all about us as individuals. We must always take the lessons presented to us in the form of our experiences throughout our life, to make us a better version of ourselves. That includes lessons on being kind to others, forgiveness of those that may have wronged us, compassion for others whom are here also to learn from every lesson. One of the greatest pieces of advice I have is that we are all to remember that we are all just puppets in this play called Life – even if we did wrong to someone ie your mum or dad was an alcoholic, then know that that was not by their choice – they were ‘hired’ (aka put in that role in your life) to carry out those exact actions that would contribute to the experience that would make you, and them, better humans – consciously, though the part that they played was unconscious – they had not one iota of what they were doing but merely going through their life as if on auto pilot and in a blur. Most are……
Now that Outward Facing Life – well I find this one so very common and feel for those that are with masks. That there is such a need for everything to look ‘perfect’ from the outside. I recently had one such scenario cross my path. The circumstances were that 2 parents, 2 children and no troubles around finances or environment however there is a denial or lack of acknowledgement of one particular part of one’s life, and life is portrayed as picture perfect? When will we ever acknowledge that there is no perfect in this business of living – it is all about evolving, acknowledging, feeling, loving – ourselves deeply then those we are blessed to walk this path with. Does it mean it has to be put on display for others? No, but it does need to be acknowledged in the intimacy of a sacred space because that very thing may be pinching off abundance in other areas of life.
So, back to my website. Well I am in the midst of republishing under my brand. Does it contain anything to do with others failings? No it doesn’t….. it doesn’t need to. It does depict my life from a place of wanting to do, be, experience better and to want that for others – that Shear Relief … you know that deep sigh of relief when everything makes sense and you feel you are on the right path, in the presence of the right people, and living a joyful existence because of an encounter that makes so much sense and makes life simple.